Bullying — Parental and Child Rights (This is Our Story Series)

Over the centuries, stories have been told about the big, bad, boy down the street who picked on the little guy.  Most of us can remember either having been bullied or having been the bully to others.  School is a tough road for any child when they become the victim of peer taunts and teasing.

In our current day, bullying has been taken to an entirely new level.  One in which the bully gets away with the hurtful behavior, because children are forbidden to defend themselves in the school settings. When the pressure gets to be too much for the victim, the field of “mental health” steps in. 

Things should never have to get that far. No child should be locked behind barred doors in a psychiatric ward - or worse, pushed to the devastating depths of suicide - because he fell prey to a bully or a group of bullies. 


Imagine being a young child who relentlessly gets bullied, with no school personnel to set the bully straight. Thus, the bullying continues, day after day, diminishing and wiping away any hope of positive self-esteem. 

What is the result of that type of stress bearing down on a child who is in the prime years of their self-discovery? 

One young girl’s story shows us all what can happen when bullying spirals out of control. Unfortunately, there are many stories like this on the internet and on the evening news.  Some did not survive to tell their story.

This Is A True Story (names are withheld to protect identities)

She moved to a small community when she was 13 years old and attended a local public school.  She felt the kids were so different in this new school than where she had been living, and knew she was much more innocent then those she attended class with. She felt, in comparison to the other children, that she dressed “weird”. 

The children would make fun of her about everything under the sun, from not shaving her legs, to not wearing make-up.  When they couldn’t think of anything else to make fun of her for, they resorted to calling her “fat”.  At only 80 lbs, the bullies really had to stretch , but they found a way to make that obviously untrue insult hurt.

She would go home and cry herself to sleep.  When the school administration learned of the bullying, the girl was called into the office and was told to “grow up”, told that perhaps she needed psychiatric medications, and was warned that if she kept telling lies about the other children, she would end up a criminal in jail.
 
After some time, her parents pulled her out of that school.  With our Internet-era, and the injustice of not being heard by the school administrators, the young girl found the Internet a tool for her protest and inner turmoil.  She got hooked on chat-rooms and went from being innocent to being promiscuous.  At a young age she entered a world that was well over her head and far beyond her experience. 

One young man on the Internet wreaked havoc on her self-esteem and she began to believe all of the insults and depreciating comments. She thought about ending her life. 

By the miracle of having a parent who cared, a parent who asked questions and was there at the right time, she didn’t end her life that one night.  She began sharing her thoughts with her mom and on paper (journal-style). This helped to release so much of the pent-up thoughts and emotions that had been overwhelming her for quite some time.

She realized a few things about life through this trying journey and decided to choose her friends more carefully, which created a more loving and stable environment for herself.

What the Law Says

Again, this story is one of many.  Families have the right to know the law “prohibits bullying or harassment of any student or employee of a public K-12 educational institution, during any program or activity conducted by a public K-12 educational institution, during any school-related or school-sponsored program or activity…” and the law “requires each local school administrative unit to adopt a policy prohibiting bullying or harassing behavior”. 

Schools are required to act quickly and eliminate any bullying that occurs on their school property, on the school bus, or at school events and functions.  Any complaint filed by a student or parent that is related to bullying must be acted upon by school personnel immediately.  If it isn’t, the parents have the right to file a complaint with the school Superintendent. 

Bullies need to be disciplined and their harassing behavior needs to be stopped.

State Laws on Bullying

This helpful website shows a map of every state in the United States.  When you click on your geographical area you will immediately have your state’s laws on bullying.


Children who feel stressed, pressured, and sad because they are the victim of bullying do not have a mental illness.  It is a normal response to peer stress that shouldn’t even be permitted to occur.

Additional websites that may be helpful:


Bullying Statistics

A blueprint for effective prevention of bullying

“Best Practices” that deal even more with how to prevent bullying

This article is brought to you by our friends at the Citizens Commission on Human Rights in Florida, a non-profit that is not only dedicated to educating Americans about their rights in the mental health sector, they are also actively involved investigating and exposing psychiatric violations against human rights. 

Join us right here on Mommy Rantings on Tuesdays in 2012 for our new series that is dedicated to providing parents with in-depth information, resources and personal stories on a variety of childhood disabilities, mental health and behavioral issues. If you're interested in submitting your own story, click here for contact information.  

When Your Toddler Says Bad Words: A Mom's Admission

Last night, on "Modern Family" (which aired on ABC), yet another controversial topic was brought up. Call it swearing, saying bad words, profanity, potty mouth...and it's not just controversial in the parenting realm, it's also a topic of argument in the television industry, too. Little adorable Lily on Modern Family pushed all of the limits last night when she dropped the (obviously bleeped) "f-bomb" on "Modern Family".

Prior to the airing of this episode of "Modern Family", the Parents Television Council  had already given the show ratings across the board that state boldly, "the show contains adult-oriented themes and dialog that may be inappropriate for youngsters". Their rating scale breaks television shows according to four categories: sex, language, violence, and overall, marking each category with color-coded ratings similar to a traffic light. "Modern Family" has earned a yellow for all four categories.

I'm sure that last night's airing didn't help much to improve the Parents Television Council's opinion about the show. Television-wise, the controversy is between the organizations who speak out to keep our television experience PG-rated and "safe" for children and the groups and individuals who protest that this type of censorship completely disregards our First Amendment rights.

The controversy for parents is whether or not children should be saying curse words at all and how to handle the behavior. Many parents are absolutely mortified when their toddler very clearly spouts a "naughty" word for the first time, and even more humiliated when they do it in front of other people...Needless to say, baffled by the fact that these little people actually figure out how to use the word, let's just say, "correctly" in a sentence!

So, are we so-called "bad parents" if our children drop the f-bomb or some other explicative that is obviously a no-no for our little angels' tongues? Are they destined to become criminals and live in the dredges of society if they start spewing no-no, potty mouth words at the young age of two? Are we terrible, no-good parents who, in public, will be recognized as a "bad parent" who doesn't properly discipline our children?

According to "experts", it's normal for our toddlers to start spurting out curse words around the age of two, when they are working hard to expand and hone their language skills. Timothy Jay, a psychologist at the Massachusetts College of Liberal Arts who studies psycholinguistics and obscenities, states that, "Kids say swear words as soon as they talk."

Recently, I have been stunned to hear a specific "bad word" coming out of my very own Kodi-Bear's mouth. He's even quick to say, "Mom, don't say b----, it's a bad word," completely out of the blue and keep repeating the sentence until he gets a reaction from someone. The word, alone, has become one of his favorite things to say lately. My first reaction was probably a bit different than other parent's reaction to their own children spouting this type of verbatim, due to the fact that I've been through this phase with six children already.

The first time he enlightened me that, "B---- is a bad word", I responded with a calm, "Yes, it's a bad word and we're not going to say it." Immediately, I had to turn around to hide the giggle that I couldn't help. (Yeah, whatever! You have to admit, it was kinda funny.) Where did he get this from and how in the WORLD did he know that it was a bad word??? (The answer will soon be revealed...)

Jay, along with colleagues, have created a list of "bad words", dating back to the 1970's, that day care workers, teachers and other people who work with children have reported hearing from the mouths of children. He says that children pick up quickly and mimic words that they hear, even if they don't understand what they mean.

Now, obviously, my precious two-year-old Kodi-Bear knows that the word is bad and that he shouldn't be saying it. And, most toddlers can "pick up" that these words are no-no's. They're trying new things, learning about their environment, and quite often, feeling out the waters to see what kind of reaction they will get.

There are a few different ways to handle your toddler when he (or, in the case of "Modern Family", she) says a no-no, naughty bad word:

1) You can punish them. (This is not necessarily my choice reaction, but many parents will take this route.) Most experts will agree that this is not the best way to respond, either. They say that, although the child knows that it's a bad word, they don't understand the concept of bad words like we do, as adults, and they're simply playing with their language skills.

2) You can acknowledge that the word is "bad" and they shouldn't be saying it. (Duh!) There are even books written for children like "Elbert's Bad Word" and "The Berenstain Bears and the Big Blooper" to help parents explain bad words on a child's level in a constructive, but fun way.

3) You can ignore the behavior. Let's just say that this has been my #1 choice, for the most part. Although, I will admit it's difficult to do this when you have seven children and the older childrens' reactions to my toddler's potty mouth is to either announce loudly that "Kodi said a bad wooooooooooooord!" or giggle and belly laugh about the ironic cuteness of it all.

But, ultimately, what we really need to be doing is cleaning up our own language. Right? Okay, maybe they heard the word from their older siblings or grandparent or day care, but in my house, that's not the case. I admit, I dropped the B-word that my two-year-old picked up. No, I shouldn't say the no-no naughty words, and, yes, I do have a better vocabulary than that, but I make mistakes.

So, Kodi-Bear was actually right when he said it, "Mom, don't say b-----, it's a bad word." We can learn a lot from our children!




I found a cute place on babyzone.com called Bad Word Bloopers where other parents have posted their bad word stories about their children.

Parents Who Are Left In the Dark: The Truth about Mental Health Diagnoses in Children

All too often, families and children are not completely informed about all of the facts prior to their child being diagnosed and labeled with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) or any other learning or mental health diagnosis.

However, according to the Florida Department of Health, Division of Medical Quality Assurance  (381.026  Florida Patient's Bill of Rights and Responsibilities), every individual has the basic human right to be informed about the medical treatment or procedure that is being proposed to them.

Physical Tests Cannot Prove Psychiatric Disorders

When psychiatrists were interviewed at an American Psychiatric Association Convention, they were asked on video if there are any medical tests that can evidence a mental illness.  One hundred percent of the psychiatrists interviewed, responded with the fact that there are no medical tests that can be performed to evidence one single psychiatric disorder. No brain scan, no blood test, no chemical imbalance test.

This vital information is typically not explained to the parent when their child is brought into a medical doctor’s or psychiatrist’s office.  Furthermore, parents are not told that, of the 170 panel members who wrote psychiatry’s bible, The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, “95 (56%) had one or more financial associations with companies in the pharmaceutical industry.

“One hundred percent of the members of the panels on ‘Mood Disorders’ and ‘Schizophrenia and Other Psychotic Disorders’ had financial ties to drug companies.” 

What Does that Suggest?

This is an incredible concept when examining the fact that most children are prescribed

psychiatric medication within 2-5 minutes of entering the practitioner’s office and again, typically, parents and guardians are not assured their basic human right of full information prior to the diagnosing and medicating of their child and are not told that the FDA listed side effects on psychiatric drugs include, mania, psychosis, depression, suicidal thoughts and death.

Everyone deserves all the facts when making important decisions that will affect their child’s life. In keeping with the Florida Patient's Bill of Rights and Responsibilities, individuals have the right to know about alternative treatment. They have the right to know that there are medical doctors throughout the world who can do medical tests to detect any potential underlying physical cause of unwanted mental health and behavioral health symptoms.

This article is brought to you by our friends at the Citizens Commission on Human Rights in Florida, a non-profit that is not only dedicated to educating Americans about their rights in the mental health sector, they are also actively involved investigating and exposing psychiatric violations against human rights. 

Join us right here on Mommy Rantings on Tuesdays and Thursdays in 2012 for our new series that is dedicated to providing parents with in-depth information, resources and personal stories on a variety of childhood disabilities, mental health and behavioral issues.  

What We Can Do For Him (and Ourselves)

By Stephen Gallup

By the time our son Joseph was a year old, my wife Judy and I were frantic.

He’d had a rocky start in life. Following his birth, the hospital had seen something unusual in him and kept him two weeks for observation. That part of the story had not alarmed us. We were first-time parents, and felt out of our depth. If something was not quite right, we much preferred to let the experts stay on top of the situation rather than trying to cope on our own.

But when he finally did come home, everyone remained as ignorant as before. Something was bothering the little fellow; anyone could see that. He cried all the time. He had trouble keeping his food down. And this continued with little or no change throughout that first year, and beyond. The doctors’ only recommendation for us was patience.  

It’s very tough to remain patient when your child is in distress.

With the passage of time, another issue became impossible to overlook: Joseph was not learning how to roll over, crawl, sit independently, stand –. Functionally, at his first birthday he was hardly more advanced than a newborn.

It seemed incredible to me that the doctors we took him to had no explanation, no therapy to propose, and no new advice. Well, at one point in his second year they did suggest something new. Judy and I ought to seek counseling, they said. Our anxiety was not healthy.

Joseph, however, still had no diagnosis and no treatment plan. His medical chart gave as his objective “to achieve normal developmental milestones,” but nothing was suggested that might help him do that. In other words, all anyone had was mere hope that things might turn around on their own.

“There’s got to be something we can do for him,” Judy fumed at the conclusion of one appointment.

“Oh, there are programs out there for children like yours,” the doctor responded. “But they’re controversial. I’m not about to recommend any of them.” When pressed for details, the good doctor suggested only that we “talk to other parents.”

All this took place in the mid-1980s. Folks today may have troubling imagining the challenge of accessing information without an Internet. Fortunately, other parents in our town did have news regarding alternative resources. And some of those resources did begin to make a difference for Joseph. By his second birthday, he had stopped the crying and vomiting, was more tuned in to his surroundings, and could crawl on his hands and knees. These changes excited him as well as us.

Judy and I no longer felt frantic. We saw no need to get counseling. What we were seeing our son do, on a daily basis, thrilled us. Yes, we were working very hard to make it happen. Yes, we were spending money. But our son was clearly benefitting!

The local newspaper ran a feature that described some of what we were doing to accelerate Joseph’s development. In the interests of providing a balanced picture, the journalist checked with pediatric neurologists, who argued that our program was just snake oil. The medical community did not endorse it, and so the doctors dismissed any reports that it was working as “anecdotal.”

Over time, Judy and I found ourselves in an adversarial relationship with mainstream doctors. Despite the exaggerated faith we’d originally had in their expertise, we didn’t blame them for not knowing everything. We did, however, wonder at their lack of intellectual curiosity. When it came to finding volunteers or funding, some doctors actually tried to make things more difficult for us. Our discussions with them were never constructive. Gradually, we just stopped seeing them altogether.

Now, if the world of alternative medicine had answered all of our needs, that would have been fine. But Joseph’s progress continued to present challenges. When he was 39 months old, he finally walked independently. And there were other red-letter days, as well. But speech was becoming an even greater obstacle. We knew he could hear, but (aside from very infrequent words here and there) he just could not talk.

Nobody had helpful answers for that.

Because some alternative therapists had helped with the early challenges, Judy and I now expected to find others who could guide us at least a bit further through the maze that the campaign had become. We stumbled into a pitfall at this point, and I see now that many other families find it as well. There are plenty of people out there promoting treatments of one sort or another. Many point to what the skeptics call “anecdotal evidence” in support of their claim to having the very thing we, the desperate parents, have been seeking. The early interventions had made a lot of sense to Judy and me. But later, we did things that we only hoped made sense. Trying the treatment du jour, without understanding the rationale for doing so, wastes valuable time. It wastes money. And perhaps worst of all, the pursuit can gradually deplete a family’s spirit.

Eventually, as part of an effort to come to terms with what happened, I wrote a book about our family’s experience. This article can only scratch the surface of what it says. However, the following points are a good start:

Even if we had achieved nothing with Joseph, I would not regret having taken a chance and trying to help him.

The fact that we did achieve wonderful things will always be a source of pride and satisfaction for everyone who was involved.

On the other hand, even given the arrogance we encountered there, I do regret becoming cut off from the mainstream, and falling into what could easily be described as a cult environment. The effect on us was to lose touch with potentially valuable sources of new information.

But again, doing something imperfectly still beats doing nothing.  

And finally, a challenge like this—and life itself, I suppose—may be more about process than it is about the end result. In other words, it’s not smart to put your life on hold in the pursuit of a cherished objective. Yes, work hard to achieve that goal as completely as possible, but don’t forget that you are living now, too. This especially includes cherishing your child and making your love for him obvious every single day.

Stephen Gallup is the author of What About the Boy? A Father’s Pledge to His Disabled Son. Visit fatherspledge.com for more information.

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Disruptive Child Behavior: Environmental and Medical Origins

There's no doubt that billions of dollars have been invested in promoting the concept that children who are hyperactive automatically have a mental illness.  The term “Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder” has plagued schools, parents, and pediatricians for decades now and for many of them, there seems to be a solution. 

Following the diagnosis of this apparent condition, many a pharmaceutical company and prescribing practitioner have lined their pockets only to leave in the wake of this massive launch of child-drugging, tragedies and heart-ache, parents and children who are still seeking an answer.

Looking in the Wrong Direction

Instead of looking at every factor in a child's life that could contribute to their symptoms, many pediatricians are quick to prescribe medications to solve the problem. While parents believe the advice that their child needs these medications, medical science brings evidence to the table that proves that environmental and medical conditions can cause hyperactivity and inattentiveness in children.

Case #1

CBS News quoted a new study out in Pediatrics that shows a connection between high exposure to common pesticides and increased risk for children developing hyperactivity. A study performed on children who were diagnosed with ADHD analyzed their urine for dialkyl phosphates, which would suggest that organophosphate pesticides were in their bodies.

Here’s what they said:

“For a 10-fold increase in one class of those compounds, the odds of ADHD increased by more than half. And for the most common breakdown product, called dimethyl triophosphate, the odds of ADHD almost doubled in kids with above-average levels compared to those without detectable levels, according to Reuters.”

Case #2

According to Dr. Doris Rapp, a leading authority on allergies “If you have allergies in your family, your child might not have hay fever or asthma but might simply have an unrecognized form of allergy from dust, molds, pollen, foods or chemicals. Any allergenic exposure could be affecting different areas of the brain or body, so your child feels, acts, behaves, walks, talks, writes and draws differently than normal. This can happen suddenly for no apparent reason.  The answer might be easy and fast to treat—and if it is a food, it also can be very inexpensive.  Many mothers have reported they have a new child in 5 to 7 days after a special allergy diet and an air purifier.”

Furthermore, in an interview with Phil Donahue (back in 1989), Dr. Rapp showed clearly that unwanted and extreme behaviors in children can be attributed to allergies. A quick change can be handled with change in diet. Still, the solution today seems to be prescription medications. Have a look at what she had to say:

Case #3

From another perspective, Science Daily reports that “Thyroid hormone may play a role in the hyperactive and impulsive symptoms of children with attention deficit-hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).”

There are many Medical Doctors throughout the United States and around the world who are concerned about the psychiatric medications that are being administered to children.  The FDA labeling on these medications contain seriously scary side effect warnings, including sudden death, suicidal ideation, psychosis, hallucinations and more. 

Parents have the right to be fully informed about other possible causes of symptoms and the alternative treatments that are available for children.

This article is brought to you by our friends at the Citizens Commission on Human Rights in Florida, a non-profit that is not only dedicated to educating Americans about their rights in the mental health sector, they are also actively involved investigating and exposing psychiatric violations against human rights. 

Join us right here on Mommy Rantings on Thursdays in 2012 for our new series that is dedicated to providing parents with in-depth information, resources and personal stories on a variety of childhood disabilities, mental health and behavioral issues.  

Chore Chart for Large Families

A while back, I wrote a blog post called The Talking Back Syndrome, Getting the Chores Done - and, apparently, there are a lot of parents searching for chore chart ideas. I have finally come up with a concept that works for my house - and it's been working well for six months, with little to no friction from my kids!

It definitely helps to have a crew of kids to allocate the chores around the house too! :)

So, here is my secret: I split the chores in the house into four sections/chores (Because I have 4 children who are old enough to handle the chores):

1) Wash dishes, clean dining room, clean living room.

2) Dry dishes, wash counters, wash stove.

3) Clean hallways and stairway and upstairs bathroom

4) Laundry, basement, downstairs bathroom.

Next to the calendar, I made a list of the chores with detailed explanations of how each one is expected to be done. Of course, everyone is going to have their own necessary daily chores, but for our family, this works great. Each child has one difficult task and some easy tasks. For instance, the dishes are not so easy but the dining room and living room are pretty quick.

Next, I listed the children's names on the calendar each day and put a number next to their name. I rotate this number each day, so the chores don't get monotonous. Every day, when the kids get home from school (or on weekends, when they wake up), they automatically know the routine. They immediately go to the calendar to check their number and then start working on their chores.

They are all responsible for keeping their own rooms clean at all times and must take the trash out as needed.

My Incentives

It never hurts to give them some incentive, either. There are days when they want to bicker and fight with each other...or simply don't feel like doing their chores. And, we can understand that...we feel that way too, sometimes, don't we? So, I will offer them a snack of their choice once their chores are done, or if I'm planning a "special dinner", I will tell the children that I'm making French Toast - their favorite - for dinner if they get their chores done by a specific time. (Tricky me, huh?)

On occasion, when the chores aren't so bad, I just set the timer on the stove and tell them to get as much as they can get done by the time the buzzer goes off and then they can go off to play.

For the most part, though, the children know that once their chores are done, they are free to do whatever their hearts desire for the rest of the evening. And, quite often, that's enough incentive for them to do the chores on their own.

Still Struggling?

If you find that you are still struggling with getting your kids to do the chores, I will let you in on another secret of mine. As I was making up the chore list and splitting the areas up, I asked for - and listened to - the children's ideas, solutions, and feedback. They were actually the ones who decided how the chores in the house should be split up. They agreed that the four numbers were equally fair. They agreed that the alternating number schedule was fair...

And, they actually take responsibility for their chores every day. Okay, it's no secret that I have wonderful children and that I love them dearly, but I think the fact that I involved them in the chore-chart making process is what makes the whole routine so much easier...they were the ones that made the decisions!

Gender Confusion?

I'm taking a one-day break from the giveaways for three reasons:

1. I'm getting burned out on reviewing items every single day.
2. I'm really not feeling too well and cannot wait until summer gets here, so this ongoing "cold" can "go on".
3. I had a response to my question on Facebook: Should I do an extra week of giveaways (I only planned to do 2 for Valentine's Day)...or go back to blogging? The one answer that I received (thank you, Andrea!) is that I should go back to blogging, because she misses my blog posts. Awww! 

So, with that said, this goes out to Andrea (because she misses my *real* blog posts!)

I was simultaneously watching What Would You Do? last night on ABC - and if you've never watched this show, you should really sit down one Friday night and check it out!- and trying to put Dakoda down to sleep. The producers of WWYD set up real-life situations that are controversial and secretly video tape the reactions of the people that are within earshot (or sight).

Well, they set up this Dad and Son in a toy store, where the son was begging Dad to buy him a Barbie doll. The women that piped up and threw out their opinion (LOL) were all fairly supportive of the Dad buying the Barbie for the Son. One even wrote down the name of a book, William's Doll, and put the small piece of paper in the Dad's hand.


William's Doll is about a little boy with a doll..."William wanted a doll, he wanted to hug it and cradle in his arms..."

And? What's wrong with that? Maybe he wants to practice being a good Daddy when he grows up. Maybe he's a sensitive nurturer...don't we want a husband like that?

I have a 3 year old son who runs around saying, "I'm the girl!", referring to the television show the kids are watching or the games that they are playing, or simply because he feels like playing the girl...who cares?

I don't have doll-loving boys, but I do have an 8 year old who loves his little Bean Baby - isn't that what they are called? - teddy bear.

I don't discourage my sons from playing with Zu-Zu Pets or Little {whatever} pets that my daughter plays with. They're toys! They're overly commercialized toys that children see all over tv...and they're fun to play with!

Seriously, I'm not going to discourage my sons from finding their inner sensitivity...because there's nothing wrong with that! You cannot force your child to be a certain way. And, let me ask you this: if you keep a child from playing with someone or something, don't they want it more? If you don't allow your sons to play with dolls, they will feel unfulfilled. They will continue to want something that you keep from them.

But, if you let them have what they want...just like every other toy that your child plays with, it will get tiring and they will most likely move on...so what's the big deal?


Should Boys Be Allowed to Play Dress Up?

Okay, so the same segment of the show had the little boy dressed in a dress (staged, of course) and it showed the reactions of people. For the most part, people said, "Let the boy play!" And, that's how I feel. If my boys want to dress up in a dress, we can all have a good laugh...because that is what would happen. Make it fun...it's no big deal!

Let them be kids, you know?

My Son Is Gay

Oh, yeah, and then the storyline of What Would You Do went here: there is a blog called Nerdy Apple Bottom. If you didn't watch the show and you have never heard of this blog, you need to go over there and check it out - *ahem* after you finish reading my rant! So, the mother let her son dress up as Daphne from Scooby Doo...and she caught {bleep} from the other mothers at the school Halloween function. Then, she posts a blog post on her blog: "My Son Is Gay". Yes, she did.

But, she did it to be facetious. And, the blog post went viral and stirred up a ton of controversy. She certainly got her 15 minutes of fame!

Needless to say, she said nothing wrong. Nothing. Okay, you can take a break and go read it...go ahead and come back...

You Can't Avoid It...

You can't make your boy gay. You can't make him un-gay. (Or your girl, for that matter.) Hopefully, what you can do is make him/her the best, well-rounded, intelligent child that you can raise them to be. And, hopefully, you will allow them to fulfill their curious - and possibly nurturing - personality by permitting them to play with dolls and dress up like princesses. Or let your daughters play with army trucks and shoot those brand new awesome Nerf Stampede guns that Santa brought for Christmas.

I will never feel the urge to do anything but giggle when I hear my 3 year old say, "I'm the girl!" (It makes me giggle inside now).

There is absolutely nothing wrong with imaginative/creative play! He knows that he is a boy, and that's that.

And, regardless of how my children turn out, I will never turn my back on them! Would you?

Did You Ever See the "Charlie Bit Me" Video? What's Charlie Doing Now?

I have another video to share with you this morning...it's a video that my children will watch over and over and over and over and over and over...(well, you get the point). It had over 27 million hits, and I swear, we did not watch it that many times!






We all watched the video again the other night and the kids recited it like it was a skit!

Little Dakoda (Kodi Bear) even *realized* what little Charlie was doing and said, "Baby bite! Mouth!" At 20 months, the little bugger KNEW exactly what Charlie was doing! And he had the nerve to think it was funny!

So, I decided to do some research to find out "where Charlie is now" for my kids....
and I found a little blog. The boys have grown since that video and they LOOK JUST ALIKE! How adorable! They even have a video on there with the boys singing Jingle Bells - um, well, until they "lose" the words...LOL. Aren't kids something else?





Thanks for stopping by! Hope you enjoyed! Have a great day!

Chore Chart for Kids

I'm on the hunt for organization tools for 2011! Anything that can help you and your kids work in harmony falls on the top of my list! I wrote a post a while ago about the Talking Back Syndrome/Getting the Chores Done and it gets hits from Google every day, so there is no doubt in my mind that parents are experiencing the same struggles that I am.

My friends at Sourcebooks were thoughful enough to send me Amy Knapps's Big Grid Family Organizer and I love it, love it! (The picture does it absolutely no justice!) It's actually an oversized calendar and the daily blocks are large enough to list several events under each day - for a large family like ours, it's wonderful to have up on the wall. The older kids are old enough and big enough to write their own activities on the calendar, too, which is perfect!

Now, this isn't specifically a "chore chart", so to speak, but it can easily work as one, with the space that it provides. To give you an idea, it's about the same size (if not bigger) than a desk calendar that you put on your desktop at work and write down all of your important meetings and agenda items on (and phone numbers and little notes to self). Accordingly, there is a note section where you can put little thoughts that don't necessarily fall on any particular day.

If you are looking for a calendar-style organization tool for 2011 for your family, Amy Knapp's Big Grid Family Organizer is better than the average calendar with limited space. The kids were excited to get the new calendar and more than happy to help post it up on the wall...if only they stay as ambitious about the cleaning that needs to be done! :)

I'm open to organizational suggestions if you have any, too!

I was provided a product for review purposes for this blog post. No monetary compensation was received. All opinions are my own.

The Family Meeting

I think one of the issues that the holidays bring with them is complete chaos and confusion - and a whole bunch of excitement! So, family rules and regulations might fall by the wayside and some of us moms may feel a bit disrespected when the chores are forgotten and the rules are neglected. 

(As I've been told, "Call the Wahhhh-mbulance!)


There is a point in time - and it doesn't have to be during the hectic holidays - that a Family Meeting is in store! In a family of 8, these meetings are quite often the only way to get everyone on the same page or attempt to get everything back on track. I'm not good at holding routine family meetings, but if I feel like everything is going haywire, I'll certainly call one - on the spot - in a heartbeat! (I just recently did just that!)

For those of you that feel like the family could use some structured meetings, here are some tips:

1) If I was a Perfect Mother, I would schedule a family meeting once a week, mark the date and time on the calendar, and not budge on the time that I set. Rescheduling the meeting only sends the message that it is not important.


2) Turn off the computers, the televisions, the game consoles, the telephones (again, call the Wahhh-mbulance!) so that there are no interruptions or distractions. Try to have the meeting at the kitchen table - not at mealtime - so that it "seems formal" and the children take it seriously.

3) Prior to the meeting, you should come up with an agenda and at the opening of the meeting, elect a secretary to take notes (or draw pictures) to highlight the discussions and decisions in the meeting. Give everyone a chance at the secretary position by rotating to a new person during the next meeting.


3) Start the meeting with a compliment for each person. With big families like ours, you can have the person to the right say something nice about the person to the left of them. (It would also be ideal for the recipient of the compliment to thank the giver).


4) Bring up issues one at a time and work toward a solution. Every family member should agree with the solution. (The whole idea of this meeting is to get everyone on board, right?). This is a great way to teach your children problem solving techniques. Bring up the issue, discuss, then come up with solutions and determine which solution works best for the family. I actually found this worksheet at iMom that I think is fantastic!

5) Once problems are ironed out, this is also a great time to discuss upcoming events, family activities and other items on the calendar for the next week.



6) Close out the meeting with something that the family will enjoy -  a bedtime snack, a quick round of Go-Fish, or a delectable dessert!



The problem solving part of the meeting might be the real reason to hold the meeting, but if you start the meeting on a positive note and end it with a positive memory, it can become a positive part of your family's week, you can count it as quality family time (we ALL need that!) and the kids will actually look forward to the next meeting (if you don't believe me, just try it for yourself - my kids love our family meetings!)!

The Forgetful Child

We, as parents, quite often enable certain behaviors without knowing it. When we deal with our own "forgetful" child, we wonder how this child of ours can be so...absentminded.

See if these thoughts sound familiar:

"Mom! I forgot my backpack at home!"

"I forgot my lunch."

"Where are my shoes?"

"Have you seen my..." (fill in the blank)

I'm a mother who feels like there is a "home" for everything. With six kids, there always HAS to be some chaos organization. But, the children often ask me why everything has to be "perfect". My theory is: if everything has a "home" (and it "lives" there, like it should), you can find it when you need it. :)

The Mrs. Piggle Wiggle Way

Have you ever heard of Mrs. Piggle Wiggle by Betty MacDonald? Mrs. Piggle Wiggle is the main character of a line of chapter books that I used to love (now there are movies, too)! Mrs. Piggle Wiggle is this old woman that loves children. She had her ways with kids, too. It is the Mrs. Piggle Wiggle Way. She often went to the extreme. Parents were always calling her for advice and, quite often, she would step in to be part of the solution.  For instance, there were children in one book who would NOT go to bed on time. They procrastinated and put it off like bedtime was the plague. (Sound familiar?)

What did Mrs. Piggle Wiggle do? She told the parents to let her keep them overnight and she kept those little procrastinators up ALL NIGHT LONG, watching television, playing games...they would start nodding off and she would wake them up with a reminder something like, "Hey, I thought we were staying up all night? Isn't that what you like to do?" Needless to say, the kids did not stay up all night long...and they learned a lesson the next day when they were tired and did not want to get up.


What Is My Point?

My point is this: Sometimes we have to take the Mrs. Piggle Wiggle way and allow our children to make their mistakes and learn from them. Otherwise, we are enabling their "forgetfulness". Okay, there are times when a child who never forgets their lunch makes a mistake one day - and in that case, I say bring your kid their lunch, if you want to.

This is not about the once-in-a-blue-moon forgotten lunch...this is about the Chronic Forgetter. The child who constantly forgets to bring their homework or lunch or hat or mittens to school. The one that you are ALWAYS reminding about something...doing their homework, cleaning their room, finding their shoes that are not in their "home".

That's your child, I know, and you feel like you need to make sure that their needs are fulfilled - which is understandable, because you are a good parent, however...

There is a point in life when your child needs to learn the consequences of forgetting, and if you constantly pick up the "missing pieces" for them, how do you expect them to learn? You will be expected to "save the day" every time your child forgets...and that is a lot on you.

What Your Child Learns

If you are constantly "covering" for your child's forgetfulness, you are teaching them something: If I forget, Mommy will remember...or Mommy will bring it. You're teaching them that you will "save" them every time. Aren't you tired of that?

If you stop "saving the day", they will learn something new. They will learn that if they forget, they pay a price (consequence) - and although it may be hard for YOU to watch them pay the price, you have to step back and help them learn the beauty of being responsible and remembering. You're not a bad parent...

I Will Not Save the Day

Just this morning, I told one of my older children to put two important pieces of paperwork into his backpack THREE TIMES! Lo and behold! After the children loaded on the bus, I found these vital pieces of paper ON THE FLOOR. Talk about wanting to spit fire! Did I bring them to school? No. (I did call the school to tell them that he left them at home after being told 3 times to put them in his backpack, but he will notice that he doesn't have them...and, ultimately, he will need to be responsible for answering for these items when he realizes he doesn't have them.)

Another child of mine left his backpack in the van two days in a row. When the teacher called to tell me that she noticed he hadn't had his bag for two days, I told her that he knows exactly where it is and when HE decides to get it...then he'll bring it to school. I told her that I expect HIM to take responsibility for his own backpack...and she did not blame me.

I know I say it all of the time, but with six kids (even with TWO, things can be difficult!), you have to go the Mrs. Piggle Wiggle route quite often or you will be running around, fixing problems all of the time. I refuse to enable forgetfulness. Children, even at a young age, must be taught how to be responsible. Forgetting every once and a while is justified - we are all, of course, human! I'm not expecting perfection.

I do, however, expect my children to pay attention to the important stuff in life and remember when there are important things to remember.

Would Your Child Forget Something Important to Them?

After all, if there is a special function...let's just say a friend's birthday party, for example...would they forget? Would they ALLOW you to forget? LOL. MY KIDS would hound me a million times about a birthday party...and they wouldn't forget a single detail: where it is, when it is, what to bring, who it is for. I couldn't "forget" about it even if I tried!

So, if they can remember all of those details about something that is important to them, they can remember their lunch for school or their backpack or where their shoes are. When you "save" them every time they forget, you are sending a message: "Don't worry about it, Mommy will cover for your irresponsibility." Is this what you want them to learn?

My Mom Mantra

I will say it over and over again, as it is my mantra as a mother: "Our main goal as parents is to raise our children to become responsible adults". This goes for every child in the world...If we enable them to live in their forgetful world by covering for them every time they forget something, we're not teaching them responsibility for their own actions.You are their mother, not their brain.

10 Tips for Holiday Travel With Kids (Reducing the Stress)

As with anything that you do with kids, road trips need to be planned out to a "T". It's stressful enough to travel during the holidays, let alone travel with children who are going nuts due to the holiday excitement. :)

So, from a mom who literally traveled (on the road) from North Carolina to Pennsylvania with six kids and then from Pennsylvania to Buffalo, New York to finalize the major move that we accomplished back in May, I want to tell you that nothing is impossible. Whether you are driving 2 hours or 20 for your holiday gallivanting and celebrations, you will want to start preparing now so that you can actually enjoy your holiday.

Here's my list of "solutions" for parents that plan to travel with their kids this holiday season:

1) Prior to your trip, sit down and decorate notebooks for each child. You could use ribbons, buttons, stickers, cotton balls, strips of fabric...let the kids use their imagination and creativity to make a Travel Journal for the trip. (Don't forget to pack them!) Pack a little pencil box with assorted crayons, colored pencils (be sure to sharpen them while you are assembling the pencil box), and markers.

Each child can create their own Travel Journal and write about what they see and do during their travels...even the little ones can draw pictures to memorialize their holiday journey.

2) Put on the holiday tunes and sing along for a while. Kids of all ages will enjoy singing Christmas songs and the miles will melt together with each song that you sing.

3) Create a scavenger hunt. Prior to the trip, think about things that the children will see on the side of the road; landmarks, signs, places, even different types of license plates. Make a list of items for the children to look for while you are traveling. This will keep their eyes on the road and the different sights to see on your journey.

4) Along the same lines of the scavenger hunt is the ABC license plate game. In alphabetical order, find the letters of the alphabet on different license plates. Alternatively, you can look for the letters on road signs rather than license plates if you want.

5) Bring along some assorted colored pipe cleaners or Bendaroos for the children to play with in the car (or van or truck). They're not messy and they will keep your children happy for hours as they design their creative inventions.

6) Snacks and drinks! I don't know about your kids, but I can assure you that when my kids get a little antsy on the road, some snacks and drinks go a long way! I usually bring along snack packs, like mini bags of chips and Capri Sun drinks.

7) "Are we there yet?" This is definitely a question that you will hear when you are traveling with kids. In order to reduce the times I hear this question, I create "Travel Vouchers". Basically, you create a Travel Voucher (sort of like a coupon) for every half hour that you expect to be on the road. As each half hour passes, your children can "turn in" a travel voucher to you and they will be able to watch their handful of travel vouchers diminish. This will give them an idea of about how much longer the trip will be.


8) Give the children maps that are pre-marked with the route that you plan to travel. Encourage them to read roadsigns and figure out where they are on the map at certain points in time. This is a great geography lesson!

9) Stop every once in a while. On our long journey from the South to the North, we made frequent stops at the rest stops along the highway. This allowed the children to use the bathroom, stretch their legs and get some energy out - and switch seats to change the monotony. It worked out really well.

10) Travel at night. This is something that we have done several times to eliminate travel anxiety. We left at 4 AM one time on the way to Myrtle Beach and at 8:30 AM, when the children were starting to wake, we were practically there. Yes, we were a bit tired...but we weren't frustrated with a long and tiresome trip with cranky kids. :)

What tricks do you use when you are traveling with your kids? Happy Holidays and Safe Travels!

The Supernanny Time Out

Yes, I'm a fan of JoJo, otherwise known as Supernanny. I've loved her since day one. I've read her books and watched her shows...Her simple, no-nonsense, but loving way with children (and parents!) is so amazing - and I love her accent! I've been watching her for too many years, and have yet to completely incorporate her rules and regulations, however I must admit that I have stolen several of her innovative ideas and surprised my children with how smart and organized I am (Shhh! Don't tell!).

My DH is always nagging at me: why do I watch Supernanny so much, but I don't use her strategies. Au contraire! I do! I just don't stick to the same procedures all of the time, which completely musses everything up and creates a big question mark. I, like many other parents, simply don't have the energy to follow through on all of the steps required to do it JoJo's way. But, I'm trying it again...and my six year old, Wes, was the guinea pig this time.

Yes, JoJo, I finally followed through on a time out and both Wes and I were proud of ourselves, but we went through some steps before we made it to the proud point...

It seems little Wes has an issue with "touching himself" (I'll leave it at that), and it absolutely DRIVES.ME.UP.THE.WALL! So, when I caught him Saturday night, I immediately said, "Wes, go to bed!" It was, after all, beyond the bedtime mark and I was tired of the hands straying...

Then, I thought quickly. "As a matter of fact...sit in that chair-" I pointed. He looked flabbergasted, as he was already geared up to throw his usual I-don't-want-to-go-to-bed-tantrum-routine. 

"The naughty chair. You'll need to sit there for -"

"I know," Wes said, "Six minutes." He was far too willing to sit in the naughty chair as opposed to going to bed.

"Yes, six minutes," I said, barely covering my proud smile. "Lucas, please time six minutes and let me know when time is up." Lucas happens to be proud of his glow-in-the-dark, digital alarm watch and is always looking for reasons to keep track of time, so I figured I would pull a Lazy Mom move instead of getting up and setting the timer (after all, it was past bedtime on Saturday night).

We both seemed to forget about the time out, as when Lucas finally called out, "Wes, you can get up," we both were pretty surprised. Wes (my overly active, bounce around the house, from ceiling to bed to walls to chairs, child) had sat still in the chair without tipping it backwards for six whole minutes! 

I remembered JoJo's next step. "Wait a minute, come here."

He came over, "Yes, Mom." I hid another proud smile.

"Do you know why you had to sit in time out?" I asked...another JoJo step in the naughty chair/time out procedure.

"Yes. I touched myself. I should do that in private and then wash my hands, " he said, as serious as the night.

I was laughing inside. For some reason, the whole conversation was extremely hilarious to me, and Wes was being so very serious about it, which made it even more funny to me. "That's right, Wes. Now the next time..."

"I know, I know, Mom. I will sit in time out for six minutes, and the time won't start until I'm quiet."

"Very good, now you need to -"

He was ready with the apology before I could even request it. "I'm sorry, Mom. I'll try harder next time." Again, too funny. He hugged me, and off he went. 

Moments later, Wes popped up in front of me and had a confession to make, "Mom, you know why I was so good in time out?" he asked. I shook my head, curious to hear what he had to say. "I completely forgot I was even in time out, I was so busy watching the game."

This time, I let him see me laugh. Then, I looked down and rolled my eyes...that "I'm caught" look immediately crossed his face as he realized that his hand was once again where it did not belong, and he turned around and headed to the naughty chair. "Sorry, Mom."

I'm going to keep on working on JoJo's advice. My kids have seen the show a million times and know the routine. The Naughty Chair, it is, JoJo...we'll stop Wes from the inevitable hand-on-the-crotch issue sooner or later! (I hope.) 

Sometimes, I think Wes wants to be punished. Not spanked or whipped or beat, but he wants guidance and he wants someone to tell him that he is not acting appropriately or misbehaving. He wants boundaries and discipline. I know this, because he really tries hard when he is given attention and guidance. I also know because he knows the rules and regulations and he knows the routine for the time outs...and he's willing to serve the time if he does the "crime". 

You may not be able to use all of JoJo's advice at once. That's complete overload. Just take one idea at a time and practice and perfect it. Small changes can have a big effect. 

The Talking Back Sydrome/ Getting the Chores Done

If there is anything in the world that makes me want to send one of my kids on a trip across the room, it's talking back. Just one simple request can turn into an hour long debate...which is longer than it would have taken to get the job done. And it DRIVES.ME.CRAZY!

Here is an example:

Me: Hey, Lucas, can you help me by cleaning up this room real quick? It should only take you five minutes.

Lucas: Can you just ask the other kids to do it? They were the ones that made the mess.

Me: Right, they probably were, but I asked you to clean it up.

Lucas: That's not fair. I was just sitting here. I didn't make this mess.

BLA BLA BLA excuses excuses excuses...it goes on and on and on.

I have learned to use some tricks to avoid these debates, and I gotta tell you: From 3 years old (maybe even two) all the way up to (almost) 11 years old, these tactics work far better than asking children to do something on the fly. Understand that these ideas work for me, because I have several children to split the responsibilities between - if you only have one child, well...you'll probably have less chores for them (and more chores for you).

barriere-estates.com

A Raffle

Get the basket out and write a chore down on pieces of paper. Put those pieces of paper with the chores on them into the basket and let the children "win" them, like a lottery. They each get to draw a chore. I am always surprised at how well this goes over.




A Weekly Chore Chart

conceptdraw.com

Create a weekly or daily chore chart on a white board or a large piece of paper. Display it on the fridge or somewhere where everyone will see it. Each week, I trade off who is in charge of which part of the house, that way no one gets stuck doing the same room/area over and over again.

These are the two examples that work well for me...what do you do to avoid the talking-back syndrome?

By the way, as an addendum of sorts, I wrote another blog post called Chore Chart for Large Families. It has been working for me for many months now! I think, if used in a similar way and on a smaller scale, it could work well for smaller families, too.

Bedwetting Problems

I recently wrote a post on potty training, discussing the fact that children (or, toddlers, shall I say?) all learn and advance at their own pace when it comes to peeing on (or in?) the potty. No, I will not push my children to use the potty before they are ready...but I encourage them in a positive manner and let them learn at the rate that they are comfortable.  This has worked for me.


But, Life Is Not Perfect...

Unfortunately for us parents (and the poor kids involved), potty training goes far beyond the toddler stages...there are plenty of children that have issues with bedwetting, too. And, this can go on into teenage years...I haven't had to worry too much about this issue, even though I have 6 children. For the most part, once my kids were trained (and the potty training was absolutely not pushed or forced), bedwetting has only happened a few times in our family, and it was usually when a child was sick or it was a freak accident...(in case you were interested...)

http://www.goodnites.com/na/

If you're dealing with bedwetting issues, I can imagine that you are completely frustrated and pretty stressed out, and I don't blame you. However, staying calm, cool, and collected through the bedwetting episodes is going to help the situation out a lot. Yes, I know that you are disgusted with changing sheets and remaking the bed in the middle of the night. (I, personally, am not very good with this stuff...or blood, or anything else. Diaper changes are enough for me.)

I also can imagine that you'd like to get to the bottom of the issue and find a "fix". Getting up in the middle of the night is no fun in the first place, never mind having to console an upset child and clean up the mess. So, do you think yelling at your kid or punishing them is going to make things any better? I dare to wager a BIG "No" on that one.

My Embarrassing Story

I'll share a personal story with you: (Oh, my goodness, here I go...) I remember one night, waking up (I must have been about 10) in a very wet bed. I had just finished a dream, in which I was literally going to the bathroom. I must have thought that I was really in the bathroom, or maybe my subconscious mind knew that I needed to go. Either way, I wet my bed. I wasn't just wet...I was distraught and embarrassed. My mother was not very happy when I woke her, however she calmly (and groggily, through her sleepiness) helped me remove the wet bedsheets and my pajamas, put my bed back together and new pajamas on...nice and fresh. She told me it was okay and tucked me back in again. Okay, so now that my bedwetting story has been released for the world to read... 

http://www.goodnites.com/na/

I'm writing this post because I receive a ton of information in my email about all sorts of different offers that parents may be interested in and wanted to share this with whomever may need it. I am, in no way, getting reimbursed for this post (but, if GoodNights wants to reward me for it, I welcome it!)


GoodNights covers several different aspects of bedwetting on their website. They have bedwetting advice, facts, myths, and truths. They also offer a free sample to try out.

They also have an expert panel, including pediatricians, Dr. Wolffe Nadoolman and Dr. Jennifer Trachtenberg, that can be reached through the contact us page.

Look, it's hard enough being a parent when absolutely nothing goes wrong in life, your children are perfect and completely healthy. But, this is not the norm, as we all know. (We wouldn't have to search the Internet for answers to all of our problems if parenting was so easy, would we?)

If you are experiencing unusual bedwetting, head on over to the Goodnights website. Also, feel free to contact me...I may be able to help you find other resources to help you and your precious one through this. Whatever you are dealing with, it's more than likely more frustrating for your child than it is for you. Be patient, as hard as it may seem, give your child a hug and let them know that you will help them get through it...your loving support is half the battle.

My Children Think I'm MEAN

Last night, my 3 year old Dylan, with his new-found fascination with the gaming world was extremely mad at me. He has formed a habit of getting frustrated and screaming about the games or getting mad at whoever is playing with him for "beating him" or "pushing him" (or pushing his "guy").

He Says I'm Mean

By 8 p.m., I had had enough.

Me: Dylan, time to turn the games off.

Dylan: You're mean!

Me: If all you can do is scream and cry, apparently the game is not fun anymore. Time to turn it off.

Dylan: You're a big meanie, mom.

Me: Yep, I'm mean. Turn the game off.

Dylan: Youuuuuuuuuuuuuu MEAN! (now screaming) Meanie!

That wasn't the end of it. He pulled his little 3 year old screaming fit, reminding me over and over again how mean I really am.

Up walks little Dakoda, my youngest at 1 1/2 years old. He looks at me and says, "Mee-mee."

He Thinks I'm Mean, Too

Did he? He did. He says about 4 words, including Mom, Dad, peeeese (please), and now "Meanie".

Well, it's no secret that I'm a "Mean Mom". I'm mean because I expect my kids to behave, help clean the house and get along with each other. I'm mean because I have expectations, period. I'm mean because I don't say yes to everything...and I'm mean because I turn the games off.

I'm okay with being a Mean Mom. Am I the only Mean Mother in this world?

The Potty Training Dilemma

Do you have to check the toilet for random sprinkles prior to sitting on it? Apparently, my invisible child, It Wasn't Me (or it could have been I Didn't Do It - we haven't figured out which one it is), has a bad habit of sprinkling on the potty. (It doesn't help that I have 5 boys...I'm almost thankful that two are still in diapers.)

footprints4u.blogspot.com

Unconventional or Lazy Mothering?

I'm not the conventional train-your-child-to-use-the-potty Mom. I figure that, when they are ready, they will let everyone know and start doing it themselves. You could say that it is the Lazy Mom's way of tackling potty training, however I have a hard time believing that forcing a child to potty train is any better than letting them come to that "Y" in the road on their own.

Of course, we'd all love to cut that diaper expense right out of our bill structure...But, if your child is not ready to begin potty training, what is the use of buying the training potty and a bunch of treats to try to coerce them into doing something that will come naturally...eventually?

Yes, your family doctor is going to tell you that, at a certain age, your little person should be attempting to potty train, but there is not one childhood "rule" that is steadfast...

All babies learn to walk at different ages. All babies start eating solids at different ages. They learn how to read at different ages. And, just because Bobby up the street started potty training at two and a half years old doesn't mean that my little Dylan needs to be rushed into it immediately.

It Happens Naturally

In all honesty, I can say that, besides the random sprinkles that magically appear on the toilet seat, all of my children decided to potty train on their own, and without a struggle, they were all "big kids" by the age of 3 and a half. No struggles, no fighting, no getting upset with them for having accidents in their pants.

I just never came up with a good reason to allow myself to get upset with my child over using (or not using) the toilet. I mean, what parent forces their child to potty train? Unfortunately, the majority of parents do it...and, why? Well, because the doctors say that they should be potty trained by a certain age and we want our kids to be on the right track, right?

I Take Growth Time Lines Lightly

Think of it this way: when you are under pressure, as an adult, you may find that you work better, but most of us do better when we are given the appropriate amount of time to learn. A child is not going to learn his or her best under pressure....especially when it comes to potty training. Don't you agree?

Yes, children should reach certain milestones in their life around certain ages. But, all children are different; they do not progress and learn at the same speeds and in the same ways. Even adults learn with different learning techniques. Some techniques work for some people, and other techniques work for others. Children are the same.

So, Why Should All Children Be Expected To Potty Train the Same Way at the Same Time In Their Life?

All of my children have achieved different milestones at different times in their lives. They've all potty trained at different times, too. My oldest four are all potty trained (besides, of course, the annoying sprinkles) and decided that they were going to do so well before the four year old mark. Some were completely trained at two years old and others just made it before school started...

But, the beauty of it is: they all "trained" naturally, when they were ready. 

Encouragement..Even Though I Don't "Force" Potty Training, I Encourage It

I definitely encourage "going on the potty" starting at about two years old. I talk about going potty when I'm changing a diaper, "Won't it be great when you are a big boy and use the big boy potty like your brothers and your sister and Mommy and Daddy?"

Just the other day, I got the answer that I didn't want to hear, "No, I like pooping in my diaper."

"Right, because you don't even have to get up from watching our favorite show or playing our favorite game, but nobody likes to smell that. It's a private thing."

"I like pooping in my diaper." Okay, point made. Not time to potty train. Would it be better if I was mad at him for pooping his pants because the doctor said he should be potty trained by now?

I will dance around and clap and make a great big deal of it when they finally decide to try, though. We have a Poo Poo on the Potty Party. And if it doesn't "work" the first time they try, I tell them something like, "You'll get better at it the more you practice. You'll get it right."

Not All Kids Are Alike

Despite the fact that I choose to allow my little ones to decide when to potty train, I stay honest with their doctors and let them know that I feel better this way. I know that being honest with the doctor allows the ability to discuss possible issues that my child may have that will hinder potty training.

I understand that sometimes there is a reason why children won't potty train - it could be physical or mental - and it will need to be addressed. But, these issues were eliminated by me and the doctor for every single child of mine. Some of my kids wanted to learn fast and others seemed to take forever.

My stubborn child right now just turned three. He's the one that tells me that he likes his diapers. That's not my cup of tea - changing diapers on two little ones every day (because we also have the one year old too). Especially a three year old's diaper! Yuck! But, he's not ready. It's a simple fact. And, I can handle that.

He does use the big boy potty when he wants to - but that's about it. He wants his diapers. I refuse to sit him on the toilet against his will. I refuse to fight with him about "going" on the potty. I refuse to belittle him like he is not growing fast enough and learning fast enough. (Because he's smart as a whip otherwise.) Childhood is tough enough.

I'll Put Thoughts In Their Mind

I "horse-whisper" ideas all the time "into" their minds. Thoughts that, I can only hope, flow into their subconscious mind and convince them that it's time. (I can't tell you it works, but it makes me feel better, so why not?)

"In order to go to school, you need to use the potty like a big boy."

"Like a Big Boy." That's my advertising gimmick for the toilet...you'll become a Big Boy when you use the Big Boy Potty. How many of you use that one, too?

"Pretty soon Dylan will be a Big Boy and not need diapers anymore..." Big Smile.

"Dakoda's a baby, but Dylan...he's playing the Wii and he can get dressed all by himself. It won't be long until he uses the Big Boy Potty all by himself!"

Sometimes, I might as well be whispering in the wind, but, like I said, it makes me feel good.

For Now, There Are Enough Sprinkles

I'm completely okay with him taking his time with potty training. It means more diapers for now, but it will end soon enough. To be quite honest, I'm glad there are limited sprinklers in my house. I'm sure he'll be ready to leave his mark soon enough.